*takes a glass and holds it upright* Well, well, well.

It's been quite a while since I've posted something worthy to be read by you, dear readers.

And now, I felt like posting. But my mind's blank, so I wouldn't really know what to post. Usually, people just go to their blogs, perhaps one with a certain theme so they can easily think of what to talk about next, and they type away.

Not I.

Actually, I should be doing my homework now. Memorizing my lines, or writing a prospect short story... but I just don't feel like it.

I never did.

Some things, you keep telling yourself that you can do it properly if you felt like doing it. I've been doing things properly recently, but I never did feel like everything's right. Today, I took notes for AP, but it only felt forced. Hell, the only reason why I found things to type now is because I intentionally put a time limit on my computer usage by not charging my battery. (I'm have less than an hour of usage as of this typing.) Yeah, I'm cramming non-schoolwork.

Something's off; I'm being told that I'm doing something wrong.

I've been exploring a lot of new stuff lately, and dudes in white lab coats tell me that pleasure centers in my brain light up when I try something new. I don't feel it.

Or rather, I ignore it in favor for want of... something. My whole being is set on achieving or getting something I myself don't know that I look past life.

I miss the past. I regret the present. I am tantalized by an impossible future.

...Today, org period, nakinig ako this time.
From 7 a.m. to 4 p.m., gumagawa ako ng school stuff.
From 4 p.m. to 7 p.m., nasa Sibol ako.
Everyday, ganyan.
Everyday, nasa school ako ng labindalawang oras. (May sleep time pa na 8 hours.)
Everyday, apat na oras na lang ang natitira sa 'kin.
Apat na oras para mag-aral.

Pamilya't kaibigan, kinalimutan.
Okay lang naman, sinuportahan naman nila yung pagkawala ng oras ko para sa buhay e.

Pero paano yung gusto ko?
'Di ako magaling na tao. Napapagod. Inaantok. Tinatamad.

Tama yung sinabi ni spokesperson namin: wala na kaming buhay.

Pero, mas tama yung sinabi niya pagkatapos noon: "The only thing you can do is smile."
(Actually, ewan ko kung sinabi niya yun. Gumuhit lang siya ng smiley sa board, baka na-imagine ko na lang na sinabi niya 'yun. Pero tama rin naman, 'di ba?)

The only thing I can do about my life is smile and live.
The least thing I can do about my life is smile and live.
The best thing I can do about my life is smile and live.

After all, pinili ko naman lahat 'to e.
I know that I don't have what I want now.
But what I do know is that it's out there.

In the victory over a vanquished foe in Dissidia?
In the exam exemptions I tell myself and everyone I am hellbent on getting?
In the dark, hot, humid theater near the entrance of the high school cafeteria?
In the retarded pranks my classmates pull on each other?
In the high-fives I receive everyday?
In the hard work the teachers put in everyday to teach us?
In the menial "Hi Kuya Bryan!"s I get from my little brother?
In the gentle meows of the cat who stays right outside my door?
In the the messenger list I stare at, while hoping someone would send me an IM of their own accord?
In the simple bass fills I play while playing songs I like?
In the comfort I try to give my friends?
In the comfort my friends give me?
In the promise of a most liberating embrace?
In the assurance of a guiding light?
In me?

Perhaps.
Lalabas at lalabas din iyan.